This week, I’ve invited R. Nelloms to write as a guest blogger for the following article. She is the co-author of the comedic novel, Private Eyes, a ghostwriter, and a Presentation Coach. We have discussed the topic of dementia a number of times, as we both have family members who are dealing with it, so I am happy that she is willing to share her story with you. I hope that her experience and her tips will inspire you to care for the elderly within your family and implement preventive measures now to take care of your brain health.
“Caring for an Aging Mind” by R. Nelloms
“Wow, the mind is SO Powerful!” Those are the words that my husband and I continually say to each other after visiting his father. At times, it’s unfathomable how a man who once led many investigations and sat on a court bench in our illustrious city, has now been reduced to childlike behavior, repeated questioning, and a mind that cannot fully comprehend events that just occurred moments ago.
It’s hard to sit and watch him in his one room apartment in which he now dwells at a senior care facility as he talks to his son. I’m usually the observer, and often have to interject when I see that his side of the conversation is getting a bit too heated as he often becomes quite belligerent when he realizes that he’s no longer in control of his finances, his new living situation, or his mind.
As I’m sure is the case with most dementia patients, he refuses to believe that he cannot remember past events. His mind often wanders back to his childhood. There, his only son sitting before him, is now his deceased brother. My husband is often called by his uncle’s name and we repeatedly have to remind my father-in-law that the man sitting before him is not his brother, but his son. The puzzled look on his face is often saddening. You can see the wheels attempting to turn in my father-in-law’s head, but those wheels aren’t greased enough to complete a full rotation.
When I first came to know my father-in-law, about ten years ago, I had always heard of crazy things this man had done when my husband was a child. My husband often told stories of how his father would mow the lawn in a three-piece suit with his government issued firearm on his hip. Most of the kids in the neighborhood were cautious of this man because they knew that he was an officer of the law, and didn’t “believe in foolishness.” After hearing so many stories from my soon-to-be husband about his father, it was not apparent to me that I was being introduced to a man that was slowly beginning to lose his mind.
What were the early signs that should have been indicators, but were often ignored?
Fabrications. My father-in-law loves to talk. I often laugh about just how much he talks now because when I first met him, he often refused to say much to me at all. He had to take his time to get to know me. Once I became part of “the circle,” I would sit and listen to him tell stories from his past, most of which, my husband would tell me, weren’t true. I learned to just listen to my father-in-law’s tales and would look to my husband to tell me which ones to believe.
Lack of cleanliness. My father-in-law lived alone. As I began to spend more time with him over the years, I started to notice a smell in the house. I would mention it to my husband, but he merely dismissed it as the age of the house. At times, we would help my father-in-law clean his home, but it didn’t take long before the smell would return.
My husband and I really began to take notice when my father-in-law’s living room floor became his new filing system for important paperwork. For weeks, he continually added stacks of paperwork to his floor. We insistently asked him what he was doing, but his reply was that he was getting ready to prepare his taxes. Eventually, it got to the point that we could not even see the floor. That’s when my husband finally began to look over the paperwork. He discovered that they were decades old. He questioned his father about it, but his father insisted that it was still needed for his tax preparation.
Weight loss. At one point, my father-in-law always had a full refrigerator. But as his decline began to accelerate, his refrigerator became bare. My husband and I began to bring food to him every other day, yet he simply forgot to eat. We began to make it a point to sit with him to make sure that he at least ate one complete meal a day.
Long Excursions. My father-in-law would often disappear; however, his cars were still in his driveway. Once, we found him walking alone at night on the side of the road. We picked him up and returned him to his home. After that, we began speaking to his neighbors. What we learned from them scared us to the core. They told us that he had started taking a lot of long walks. A postal service worker also told us that one day, she saw him walking on the side of the highway. With this new information, we hastily began to make a plan for how we were going to get this man out of his home so that he could be cared for on a full-time basis.
Altogether, there were a few signs here and there over the years, but these signs began to exponentially worsen in a matter of months. After numerous doctor visits, we were able to get a diagnosis of dementia. With this diagnosis, we now had the information we needed to proceed with getting guardianship so that we could handle all of his affairs and move him into a senior care facility. Because of his strong will, it wasn’t the easiest thing to convince my father-in-law to move away from his home as it was all that he knew for the past forty years.
As we dug deeper into learning more about my father-in-law and his family, we learned that one of my husband’s uncles, the brother of his father, had passed away several years ago from this same disease. Armed with this information, my husband and I have now implemented a few changes to insure that we’re able to safeguard our own minds from any future damage.
- Take your vitamins. Specifically, Vitamins B1, B12 and E. All three of these vitamins help to maintain a healthy nervous system, improve cognitive function, prevent memory loss, and also lower the risk of any degenerative neurological disease.
- Get plenty of sleep. During sleep, our brains are able to eliminate toxins that can lead to Alzheimer’s and dementia. Sleep allows our brains to rest, reducing mitochondrial stress which can ultimately lead to neuron degeneration.
- Increase physical activity. Exercise increases blood flow to the brain, keeping it healthy while improving cognitive function. Aerobic exercise also provides additional oxygen, carried by the blood, which gives the brain the energy it needs to function properly.
- Exercise your mind. Puzzles and mind games challenge your mind, keeping it active. By using challenging puzzles or even learning something new, you may slow down the onset of memory loss.
- Conversing and staying engaged with friends and loved ones helps to reduce the risk of the loss of cognitive function because you are keeping your brain stimulated. Socializing also prevents depression, which can eventually lead to brain degeneration.
Once my husband and I learned a few ways to prevent dementia, we realized that my father-in-law didn’t abide by any of the lessons we had learned prior to his diagnosis. He did not eat a healthy diet, nor supplement his diet with the vitamins needed to support his brain health, he got very little sleep, the only exercise he performed was mowing his lawn every other week, his only brain exercise was watching television, and he isolated himself. For so many years, excuses were made that the isolation was because my father-in-law had seen so much crime and had locked many people away during his time in law enforcement. If only we had known then what we know now.
Fortunately, we were able to catch the degeneration when we did. According to one neurosurgeon, if he had not received additional care, his life expectancy was only a few months. Now that his diet has improved, he takes his vitamins, and gets regular daily exercise, the decline in his cognitive function has slowed down. He also enjoys singing for the members of his residence, conversing with others, and attending group outings. Granted, there are a number of things that he cannot remember, such as the fact that his son is not his brother, but we have noticed that he is now able to hold on to new information a bit longer than when we first took notice of his rapid decline.
If you have an aging loved one, be sure to note any changes that you may see in their behavior or mental ability. Try not to dismiss the changes as they may be warning signs of declining cognitive function. Ask questions of them and if needed, seek out a health professional. It is possible to get them the help that they need to slow down any further progression of mind degeneration.
By taking just a few steps to improve your diet and the way you engage your mind, you can slow down or prevent the onset of any neurological degenerative disease. It’s important to continually educate yourself about your mind and your body so that you can live your life to the fullest.
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